Just Mary in a Martha's World

So, I met this boy during my summer job for the County. He was completely different than the boys I knew at my high school. He went to a public school and he wasn't Catholic (honestly, I'm not even sure of this fact) I mention these two things because life was different back in the 80s - before electronics. Kids didn't really know too many other kids from other schools unless you were neighbors or knew them through your parents or little league or something. Well, here I was working with this boy that was a complete opposite of everything I knew and it was exciting. I grew up reading these teenage romance-type books (they weren't super racy and I'd say they would be rated PG) and the theme was always that the girl falls for the boy she never thought of and they survive against all odds. I'm not saying that I sought out this kind of a relationship but a lightbulb went off in my head when I noticed all of our differences. Perhaps, he's the boy I overlooked?  I

It seemed logical that the best way to become lovable was to have the boys love me. In high school, I liked boys but I was fulfilled being an athlete and being a third-wheel. Honestly, it didn't bother me for a second being the third wheel. I liked my girl friends and I liked their boyfriends - we were all friends so I just tagged along. Don't get me wrong, I didn't go on their Saturday night dates to dinner and the movies but I did continually hang out with our group of friends as one of the only singles in a lot of couples. My twin had the same boyfriend from freshman year until after we graduated from high school so, again, we were in vastly different places in our lives. I didn't have a boyfriend until roughly the middle of my senior year. He was a good athlete, too and was committed to his sports so it was a good balance.  Having the boyfriend was nice but I then became aware of the down side of having a boyfriend. I realized that someone else suddenly was a big c

I keep looking for ways to continue my life in blogging but I am in a constant state of "writer's block". This is funny as I'm not exactly a writer. But I have a lot I'd like to process and a lot I want to say. I've lived an amazing life and I'm frequently told to write a blog. Well, starting a blog is quite simple if you have an email address but publishing content worthy of being a blog is another whole Oprah show! I mean, where to begin, what to say, how much to say, do I share private issues, will it hurt, will it help... 11 years ago I was widowed at the age of 37 (I'll do the math for ya, I'm now 47) It was then that I could no longer hide under the apron of, well, anyone. I was a mother of 3 and they were looking at me with their big saucer eyes to see what we were supposed to do next. Funny thing is, I had no idea. There have been a number of times when I'm at home and I step over a small piece of trash (like a piece of paper or a wrap

I carry a big secret...I feel guilty about everything! If you know me, you'd probably tell me that it's not a big secret at all. But, I'm not sure people can grasp the the magnitude and the weight that this suck-fest has on me. I know that guilt isn't of God and it is a tool of the devil to keep me spinning my wheels. I have this knowledge but guilt has become a constant companion of mine and perhaps I'm afraid of letting it go because then, really, who am I?  I've tried to pinpoint where exactly guilt got a hold of me. I've heard the old saying about "Catholic guilt" or that by being Irish it's in my DNA to feel guilty but I reject these claims because it takes any accountability from me. I think that I tried to be everything that my parents wanted from a daughter and I know that I failed many, many times along the way.  As I grew up, I saw that I'd never be like my twin sister who was the ideal child. I say that with some animosity but